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May. 29th, 2004

tea and white flowers

Pooled Water

There is a time for everything.
Are you proud of who you've become?
Are you content to say that you are you, fully accepted by yourself without becoming someone else when others are around?
Have you accepted your bad decisions?
Have you forgiven yourself?

I feel that to truly be happy, it is important to address these things. If there are cracks in the foundation of your mind, you cannot expect to build a palace.

When is the last time you kept a promise to yourself?

Is it not similar to making a promise to another, and then breaking it?

Do you trust yourself?

Are your actions determined by the presence of others?

Are your reactions made for their benefit?

How much of yourself do you really know?

We are too occupied with who we want to be, what image we present to others, and how the world views us -- whether for positive or negative results -- that we do not know ourselves. I have met one person in this world who knew herself so well it made me feel as though someday I too would become as centered and as strong as she. She taught Tai Chi, and was the strongest person I knew. I do not know where she is today, but I strive to achieve the inner strength she possessed.

It shows when you know yourself. I know a very many people, some even who read this, who will insist that they know themselves and have no illusions, no secrets, no lies they tell themselves so that they may face the world each day.

I accept that I do not know myself as well as I would like. I am bound by my pride, the whims of the ego, and have a difficult time with humility. But by accepting these things - and others - I feel that I am on the first stepping stone towards becoming complete, to becoming happy with the person I am.

We spend our lives striving to find comfort, to find peace of mind and body.

Too often do we try to fill inner voids with outer possessions, mentalities, and the company of others. Do we think that by achieving the approval of others, we can somehow gain the approval of ourselves?

To adhere to one's own convictions in a still and quiet way without stating them as a means to establish an image... that is true personal acceptance.

Are we capable of this?

Or are we too busy trying to define who we are to the outside world that we lose track of who we really are? Perhaps instead of stating to the world what you are, simply be and show your colors by simply living. We are all multi-faceted and by picking one image, one aspect of yourself to wave under the nose of the universe, you are denying another part of yourself.

The sparkling gem is more desireable than colored glass.

Perhaps it's a lack of personal understanding. We culture our responses to how we think we should react instead of simply reacting.

We are ourselves. We know our deepest truths and yet we still continue to lie. How can you put faith in others or expect them to put faith in you if you cannot speak truly in the depths of your own mind?

Perhaps it is a time of re-evaluation and meditation.

May. 24th, 2004

tea and white flowers

Sorry Maya

Kotsik is poisonous! Induce vomitting if ingested.


From Go-Quiz.com

My apologies to you, Maya ;)

May. 3rd, 2004

tea and white flowers


Your Love Situation
by Amberishjewel
Your Love Is...Dark
During Lovemaking You Act...Like a vampire, very seductive
Your Partner Is...Your soulmate
Your Partner Has Said That You...Are their only love
Your Love is Summed Up In A Quote."I love your lips"
Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

Apr. 28th, 2004

tea and white flowers


Sad that my bestest best friend on the planet lives in Louisiana =( I miss her very very very much...

Makes me think about things in the past, back when we used to hang out all the time, back when we gave the little boys in high school a reason to fear women. Back when ritual was a daily thing and not something you hide or have to explain on the rare occasion that you do decide to do something. Back when things were good and pure, you know?

*sigh* I miss you, buddy.

Apr. 25th, 2004

tea and white flowers


Okay, so yesterday was f*cking awesome.

Woke up, tired, went to work, blah blah blah, Dark Jen and friend (Ben) came by and kept me company as I had to dust the basement (yes, the basement) then left me to my task til Light Jen came by and chatted a bit, then got me food (yay!!). Work ended, cruised King St. a bit, then back to dorm to meet up with Dark Jenny and Ben where we decided to watch a movie.

Movie was cut short when it started raining. Randomly unanimously decided to go play in the rain ('cept Ben, but we get to him later). It is suggested we go down to the creek, where we go and run amuck in the rain-slick grass and play on the wet rocks. You know that little island in the middle of the creek right before that one bend? That became the isle of Light Jenny. The water level had risen a bit so all the tennis balls from the courts upstream became our new targets. If it floated, it was ours. Eventually, we all started taking turns playing on the isle of Light Jen, hopping from one bank to the isle, to the other bank to catch said tennis balls. Suddenly, the water level raises and the isle disappears with someone still on it, water rushing up all around it so she couldn't see where the banks began and ended. So, someone else had to wade into the water while said isle-captive waded out, holding onto the hand of the person at the bank. Having been drenched in water up to our sternums, we decide to completely forgo any idea of remaining dry, and play in the creek. Meanwhile, it's still raining so we're all drenched.

Now, you have to understand, Dark Jenny's friend Ben had been waiting at the dorm during all of this, not having a change of clothing to get into if he got wet. At some point, the rain tapered off and D. Jenny ran back to get him. Upon his return, he sees us in the river and probably assumes that it's not too deep. Eventually, he decides he's on the wrong side of the river and, while we're jumping and crossing it, decides that if we can make it, so can he. Of course, he doesn't quite make it and falls into the creek. Poor Ben. Poor Ben's cell phone. Anyhoo, stuff gets laid out to dry (sort of, as that it was still drizzling) and Ben plays in the water with us.

Much fun was to be had, not much that I can repeat here for the "secret hidden ritual" factor, but you'll have to trust that we found 10 tennis balls, a sink hole in the bank of the creek that will swallow your leg up to the knee, and found that you can in fact fit three women on a tiny isle covered in rushing water and look like something out of a Waterhouse painting while still having loads of fun and trying not to be carried away with the water.

And then there was mud. There are no words, my friends. No words at all.

Painted in the warpaint of the earth, we traipsed back to the dorm to take pictures of our handiwork, then jumped into the shower where we became very clean. Mud, being a wonderful exfoliator, made us all feel great as we sang rounds in the shower stalls and filled almost the entire floor up with steam. Ben, at this point, was downstairs showering.

After donning the pjs we went to the 4th floor to wash out our muddy clothes in the sink of the laundry room, where the sink promptly backed up, causing us to hang out in the lobby while it drained.

That is when I found the feathers.

You see, each floor has a box where people can donate stuff to some orphanage somewhere. Amidst the pile of clothes and things, a brightly colored bag attracted my attention, and after investigation, I came back triumphant with a bag of brightly colored feathers. Bored, I started doing Dark Jenny's hair with the blue and teal ones. This got serious so it moved upstairs, and I began my dark and arcane work creating a tribe of feathered friends. While I was finishing up Light Jen's black and red Babylon 5 ensemble, Matt, Becky, and Ross came over and were subject to the feathers as well. The tribe grew.
Light Jen and Dark Jenny ended up doing my hair, which looked absolutely wonderful with the green and white cascade of feathers. Thanks, guys.

Once the tribe was feathered, we took the opportunity of 1 am and went to Huddle House, where our plumage was admired and desired. Except by the random guy who took the time to come up to us and ask if we were into "Satanic shit". Yes, mister. Brightly colored feathers, sarongs and t-shirts are the official uniform of our Dark Lord Satan.

I'm really happy with the way the hair turned out. Each person had a bird they were modeled after, and the guys did looked manly. Yes, even Ross, who got stuck with pink feathers.

Anyhoo, we ended the night with the long walk back here where there was talk of a movie but mostly general sleepiness. Everyone was plucked, and I fell asleep, so my narrative on the events pretty much ends there. Matt had to wake me up, I woke up Light Jen, and there was sleep.

But gods, that was a truly great day.

Apr. 13th, 2004

tea and white flowers

Bet you didn't know...

I saw this somewhere and for some reason I thought it'd be interesting to do. So here goes.

50 Things You Didn't Know About MeCollapse )

Okay, composing that list took me several hours. I don't think I was able to tap the stuff people don't know about me, but it's an exercise in being more open. Bleh. That sucked.

Break was good -- got to see my brother and sister, got to eat mom's spaghetti (see #23) and sleep in my own bed. Very relaxing but coming back to Boone has caused me to tense up again. Thinking about exams and stuff, I think.

The Symposium is Saturday. Please, please, please let me know if you're interested in helping.

Apr. 7th, 2004

tea and white flowers

A friend in need...

Allison and Mumsy were in a housefire. Allison is okay, Mumsy is now stable (they transfered her to Baptist/Wake Forest Hospital in Winston). The dogs didn't make it.

I'm going up to Broyhill tomorrow (where Allison and family are) to bring clothes and stuff. Going to pick up my paycheck and see if I can pick up a tin whistle for her.

I'm so worried :S

Things like this should not happen to good people.

Mar. 29th, 2004

tea and white flowers


Today is a drama-free day. On pain of death.

I want to garden. It's spring, green things are popping up everywhere, and getting my hands in the soil and helping things grow is one of the greatest spiritual boosts I know. I think I'm going to have to credit the green mood to Hope, as that her entry all about the green was the first thing I read when I woke up. Thank you, Hope! *hugs*

Embrace the earthy goodness, my friends. It's a beautiful day.

you know you want to

Mar. 24th, 2004

tea and white flowers


It's really too early. Woke up at 7, first class is at 11. Test in Info Tech today that I haven't studied a lot for, but I'm going to be doing that here shortly.

Gods I'm tired. Not a lot of sleep lately and loads of tests and such this week. Happy note: I got a job at the Antique Mall on King St. which means -yes, that's right- I will have a paycheck. I really think I'm going to enjoy my job, and that, too, is important. I'm just glad I don't have to work fast food. *shudder*

Today is my sister's birthday. Happy birthday to her and good luck with the issues going on in her life.

I've been ragged about not updating here frequently enough so I'm trying to work on that. I just don't have a lot I feel the need to say. Anyway, hope everyone is having a good week.

Mar. 16th, 2004

tea and white flowers


This one's for you, Jenny.


2nd grade interpretation of the Egyptian gods.
Highly amusing and actually kinda cute.

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tea and white flowers

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